sunday ain't so sunny.

I hate that my job has the ability to put me into such a terrible mood for the rest of the day.

Stupid, stupid job. How I have come to loathe you.

.

Uhg.

love, love love.

I really like the idea of the Missed Connections sections in city papers or even on Craigslist. They all just seem so, entirely sweet, like something direct from a movie. Maybe more so in a paper than on Craigslist...

to do.

Okay. Okay. Okay!

I promise to be productive tomorrow.

But, seriously, forty hours a week now shooting to fifty is really beginning to melt my brain more than being home already has. But, also, tonight I did get some heady motivation in the form of my mom crying (and no, not about me; it's just, knowing your mom is upset really is a good kick in the pants to being a better person, if not for yourself, for her).

Tomorrow:
1. Plant flowers CHECK!
2. Write cover letter
3. Finish internship papers CHECK!
4. Call Illustration department about said internship papers CHECK!
5. Email Andrew CHECK!
6. Get in touch with Great Uncle Joe about moving CHECK!
7. Empty another box
8. Grocery shop CHECK! (okay, okay. I personally did not do this, but I made the list and cut the coupons, which is close enough)

This Week (in no particular order):
. Finish cleaning out room
. Clean car
. Start Claire's commission
. Bake something! CHECK!
. Craft three things! CHECK!
. Figure out how to sell things on eBay
. Read some more of Rant CHECK!
. Take down the god-forsaken Christmas tree
. Dispose of the other god-forsaken Christmas tree
. Decorate Mom's tree (with crafts!)
. Write something!

Okay.
I'm sticking to it. I made a list and I'm crossing everything off of it.

seriously.

I need to get better at keeping a sketchbook. How the hell will I ever be an illustrator if I don't even draw anymore!?

For serious.

happy.

What happens when you feel you don't have anything in common with anyone anymore?

The regular bonfire was tonight. It included the usual people, the mac n' cheese, the s'mores, and, of course, the sneaking off behind cars to smoke a clove (yes, that's right! my life is complete because I had one tonight. I can still feel it's whimsy floating around my lungs). And, of course, the night included me feeling like, just in high school, that I could really care less about what everyone else was talking about, or really what they were about, in general.

I do not intend to sound like an art school ass hole. I barely talked about art school tonight. Rather, I listened. Listened to what I am essentially 'missing' by choosing art school, and realizing, as I have in the past, that I really do not care for that which I am 'missing'.

This is to say that, 'HOLY MOLEY I AM SO ELATED THAT I KNOW ME AND WHAT I WANT AND WHAT I AM ABOUT (mostly)!' Those things that I am not about include frat parties and long weeks spent leaving class only to get drunk and thinking it really fantastic to partay hardy.

That does not mean I do not enjoy my partay. I just enjoy a different type of partay, one that doesn't include guzzling beer before receiving a poor blow job.

There, I said it. I don't want your sloppy blow job. With that, I don't think it's cool that you got the bronze in Beer Olympics, or that you spent your last Thursday of school drinking from 3 o'clock in the afternoon until 3 o'clock the next morning. Give me some baked goods and a silly movie any night of the week.

So, tonight was the first night that I was one of the first to leave, and to really not mind it. Because I know now that I am not missing out. I never missed out on anything. And I am happy.

seattle rain.

Today makes me feel like Seattle. A day of constant rain and a high of fifty-five, worked in the confines of a coffee house-turned-cafe-turned-restaurant for 'economic reasons' will do that to you. Especially when it is May. And three weeks ago you were waking up to sixty degree weather that was climbing to an eighty degree day filled with summer lovin' and whoopie makin'. Which leads me to these bad boys!:
Martha really knows how to do it. Peanut Butter Whoopie Pies go a long way in rehabilitating the need for summer by substituting it with a heavy portion of baked chocolate goodness and peanut butter gold, paired with rain, some Zeke's Hippie Blend smuggled over the Maryland/Pennsylvania border, and Chuck Palahniuk's recent Rant. And, making them was so. much. fun. The dry ingredients were just a big bowl of flour and cocoa powder that, when intermittently dumped into the wet ingredients, sprung to life in a huge cloud of cocoa-y goodness.The recipe was provided by the lovely Lizzie at her blog 'Every Last Cookie'. Her's is so legit. Not kidding. She pairs three magical things to make the perfect blog: 1. baking 2.witty banter 3. good photography (and I cannot stress enough the importance of good photography for a foodie blog). I'm an avid follower, which comes in handy because now I don't need to buy Martha's cookies when I have Lizzie's blog.This night time cooking was a crucial step into finally getting into this summer. I've been home for a week and a few days now and really have accomplished absolutely nothing besides makin' dem monies (which, by the way, is slowly killing me as I am slowly realizing that I actually, after two years of employment, dislike my job (but, that's neither here nor there)) and throwing a surprise party for my friend Liz Til.

It's weird to think that yesterday she turned twenty, and five years ago, when we met, she was fifteen. And I was fourteen. Really, what is this? Aging? Growing up! No. Nope. It can't be. Those things don't happen to people like us. We remain teenagers forever, with our only worry being what to do over the weekends, and what new costumed theme the party can be, and, really, you know, liking where we are.

But, that isn't the case because Liz turned twenty! We celebrated with an afternoon lunch themed Scarves and Surprise!. Really, the scarves came in as in impromptu because, after everyone arrived, we realized that it was the first party ever hosted, ever!, that did not have a theme. Well, that couldn't happen. Could not happen! Alas, scarves!

So, there were scarves, a surprise, and lunch with food provided by a fifteen hour shift at the Cocoa Perk (let's not go there). I was so impressed with my friends and how well we were able to work it all out in only a day and a half. Secretly, I was glad none of them are employed this summer, because that's the only way we were able to pull off such a stellar surprise. Not so secretly, Liz really was surprised, utterly and totally bewildered, and that's all I could have hoped for. I knew that this birfday was going to be a bit un-ordinary, and so weird, because really, what do you do with twenty? Especially when it's summer and your two best friends are out in their respective cities, being real people and doing real people things, while you're at home, feeling not so real, or maybe just less productive.

Surprise equals success, success, success.
Just as today does, and only because of Martha and her whoopie makin' ability.
Now, on with summer!
P.S. which means, on with crafting! all i want to do is craft up a storm! fabric, paper, glitter and glue everywhere!

to remember.

1. 'Treats' by Sleigh Bells
2. 'Brothers' by Black Keys
3. 'High Violet' by the National

damn.

I just feel like a storm cloud.

It's like, everything that I thought was going well secretly was just conning me into a strange level of comfort that has now totally vanished. Lots of things. I only feeling like talking about one thing.

I got a D/D- on my final paper for my only academic class. Really? Really. I really did suck that bad. I only know this early because my teacher sent me an email asking if I had cheated and merely reused a paper from a different class, or from high school, because the paper was so ridiculously off topic from the assignment. I am just in disbelief about how far I let my academics fail. This whole semester I totally did not consider my one academic, Critical Inquiry, as a solid class, and so throughout the week I failed to really put any effort into writing the papers that were due. Then, I would get to class and realize, 'Hey, I'm paying for this learning thing! And I'm learning a lot in this class!' Why, then, you ask, did I decide to fail it so miserably?

Because I'm stupid. The work for it wasn't hard. I was lazy. Unproductive. Unmotivated. Didn't recognize it as worth while.

Now, I totally regret being so stupid, because, now my entire GPA will spiral into an abysmal range (something that has never actually happened to me, ever). Even better, my parents are actually going to freak out because, you know, me being me, they have come to expect Dean's List.

Oh, holy moley.