have to

Keys jingle in loose grip, sneaking through the front door and trying not to let the furred moths sneak their way from the lit porch lights and on into home; upstairs, a quick pat upon the snoozy dog, and directly to the bathroom, hiding in the one place where light at a late hour is appropriate.

Just another night home after eight hours of lonely working; pulling the espresso, mixing expensive drinks, pumps of syrup and milk all needing to be wiped up, again and again with the same stained white with single navy striped rag.

Stripping from the rotten clothes, in the light, before the well lit mirror, the aroma of the work's kitchen stoked with three bags of freshly baked chicken, cold espresso, hazelnut and vanilla; all the while talking to the dog through the door to calm her from barking.

I am naked, never clean from that eight hour closing shift.

So, I regard my face, the new acne, sticking out my tongue and reading the stains upon the pink and white and bumps of taste. There is coffee, lukewarm, Italian Roast tossed with vanilla, hazelnut, leftover half and half, masked by two recent cigarettes, the last Pall Malls of the pack.

I have to spend more money, the six dollars and eighty-six cents of tip.

I have to close again, work a full day, open, than break.

I have to do something so much more.

I have to sleep.

sun, sun, sun pt. deux

'I took a deep breathe and drank through my gills.'

-Heartless Bastards

mhmm, mhmm, mhmm

I'm a fan of acoustic sounds, classicalized popular music, and Flo Rida paradies. Take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/user/drbilderburger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU9W99TRpWc&feature=PlayList&p=B2B75E200EE6BF38&index=10

sun, sun, sun

That's it, I'm done; completely and totally concluded thirteen years of Catholic education with one long week of surf, sand, and sun (the most polite way to summarize the week); good decisions, bad decisions, and gettin' some, this 2009 senior has finally fulfilled all that was left in his high school career.

It's as if there is nothing to do, even within the life that calls for so much to be accomplished. Flowers to be planted. A kitchen to be cleaned. Bed sheets to finally change. The day should have been packed with a merriment in being home, and in such, paired with a need to clean. Instead, I laid in bed for the entire morning, slipping in and out of sleep, awkward dreams, the comfort of my own bed, all the while feeling the day live on without me.

I just can't find the desire to do anything.
But there's so much to do:
1. Graduation thank yous should have been penned and sent before senior week, but I'm lazy.
2. Carole's gifts need to finally be finished. And then given to her.
3. A list for summer needs to be written. I need to chart these next three months, make sure I'm on track, so when August 27th rolls round I feel like the person I want to enter college as.

College. It's such a big word.