24 February 2010

time.

Do you ever have so much to do, a disgusting amount to finish before 3:30, or before tomorrow, or before Friday, but have absolutely no will power to complete any of it, let alone, the will power to do anything?

Yesterday I learned that a very close, very close, family friend died. It's so much harder to deal with this now than it was then, to deal with such matters as an adult. As a kid, when I heard that my grandfather died, I had time to grieve, because I was a kid and nothing was expected of me. At that time, I didn't know what grieving was, or how to grieve, so, really that time was a bit wasted on me. I wish I could go back to that time and give my time to grieve to my mom, because, then, she needed that time most.

Now, I'm more of an adult. It feels like I have so many responsibilities as a student, to my personal work, to all the other work, and in all those responsibilities, I don't have any time to grieve. But really, that's all I want now; the world should stop, just for a bit, so I can grieve without the added remorse of not getting anything done.

Goodbye Cindy. I love you, and really, really miss you, and your woopie pies.

10 February 2010

it's here..

.the SNOWPACALYPSE!
... and with it, no classes! I've only had to trek the streets of Baltimore once this week, adventuring through the piles and mounds and mountains of snow still unplowed from the previous storm Baltimore was hit with over the weekend. It's strange to me, coming from the rural northeast (and only an hour and a half away), to not see streets in so long! Even the main roads were barely plowed, a heavy amount of slush formed in the breadth between tire tracks. And now, there's even more snow!
It hasn't stopped falling since two o'clock yesterday. It's matched with a terrible amount of wind, so most of the day has been a cloud of blustery white. I've witnessed nothing out my window except for the white; no dogs being walked or people hurrying back from the store. The only sight of life is the frightened birds, flying off course and only nearly missing my wind, and, that's to say, if they continue to live through the night.

This is abnormal. Baltimore never received more snow than it has this year, and to match, even Florida got down to the twenty degree level. I feel like there should be more concern with the weather patterns that have been so drastically different this year, but instead the news is chalk full of headlines reading, 'Weather Strikes East Slowing Travel and Commerce'. Well, duh. That's going to happen. But what about where it's coming from, and why it's happening now, rather then happening so many years before?

It's eerie.

That also isn't to say how much class I'm missing. I feel like Hermione in revealing that I'm disgruntled with Baltimore's inability to properly plow snow because I want to go to school. I mean, I paying enough for it, and it isn't like grade school, where we'll be forced to stay an extra week and 'make it up'. No, I've just lost roughly $1000 in classes.
Cool.

At least I have plenty of time to get homework done, which I'm finding, is much more time consuming than I thought. And, there is a lot more of it than I had initially recalled. Just today, I've needle felted from 11:30 until 4:30, and I'm not nearly finished with the project. It starts with this raw wool:
We are to needle felt a ball, felt a flat piece, and also make a three dimensional object. The object, we were told, could not be cute; no little barn yard of forest animals allowed, because, we are artists, not little old ladies at a craft fair (or so we were told). With that in mind, I'm needle felting Bambi. I know, cute, right? Well, It's only his head, because he's been taxidermied. I know, not so cute, right? This is how far I am:

08 February 2010

panic!

Charm City looks snow charming in white.

Since my last post, I managed to get sick, and not just, 'awww, mam, I don't feel good'-sick, but 'SHIT! my body didn't let me wake up for class Friday morning, even when two people came into my room and shook me to try to wake me for my first critique in Sculptural Forms!'-sick. Needless-to-say, by the time one o'clock rolled round, and I finally woke from my sick induced stupor, I was not in a pleasant mood. I quickly emailed my professor (who does not except late work!) and groveled. I am still waiting for a reply.

But! I couldn't allow mere flu-like symptoms to stop me from the weekend that was to be the SNOWPACALYPSE! I woke to find that snow was already falling, and had been falling for two hours, and continued to fall as I showered, cleaned my bedroom, napped, listened to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; you know, the usual. It continued into Morgan and my jaunt to the ridiculously packed Save-A-Lot, where I stocked up on food and waited in line amidst the Bolton Hill community (where Morgan and I were serenaded by a big guy ramping along to his cell phone). It still was going when we got back to my place, cleaned my filthy, filthy kitchen, made a glorious pasta with baby onions and green peppers, w
atched Charlie Bartlett, drank copious amounts of tea, ate copious amounts of ginger snaps, watched Say Anything, and, of course, 'worked' on some homework.

The night was glorious. We (Morgan and I), were (are) sick and snuffling, and laughing at how wonderful our Friday night could be by merely sitting in one room, holing up, and pretending to be 75. I was even embroidering (a true statement to my age (I continually told Morgan that I felt as if I ought to be on a plantation, sipping lemonade and continuing my embroidery. She protested, saying no old man would sit and do embroidery while watching the R rated Charlie Bartlett)).

Even better was my roommate's ridiculous amount of singing and stomping around to the tunes of Rent. Morgan and I died.
That night fell snow much snow that Morgan was forced to spend the night. We sat up, watching, and wondering if the few are far between flashes were lightening, matched with a muffled thunder (later, we learned of thundersnow).
We slept in, then WENT SLEDDING! After making pancaked paired with delicious, true Vermont maple syrup, of course.
SLEDDING, SLEDDING, SLEDDING! Station building hosts some very steep hills, very covered in snow, and it was still snowing. The trek from Gateway to Station was ridiculous, a whole different, brilliant world of everything iced in fluff, compacted in sugar, hugged by snow much love (I may be getting ridiculous, but, have you ever seen three feet of snow!?)! The cars were dollops of icing fit for the largest of giants, the brick brownstones mere rows and rows of iced gingerbread houses blanketed by a sky of pink and grey wonder of more and more snow.
A family lent us their toboggan, a two seater red one, which sped down Station's steepest hill like a blade through butter. It was glorious, and Morgan and I were snow covered. As we sped, it splashed about us, a froth thrown up into our faces, into our wide, laughing mouths. The family's dog pranced about around us, a big shaggy black thing, and would drag the toboggan back up the hill. Magic.

The way uphill trek back to the Commons was a fumbling display of wet, frozen limbs and faces shocked to pink. We were entirely snow covered, cookies rolled into confectioners sugar, walking alongside giant sized dollops of icing covered cars.

The afternoon called for soup, tea, and Floridian Honey Bells. Then came some actual homework doing, all the while listening to a 1920's radio station. If there is ever a point in your life that you desperately need to be reminded of magic, of wonder and nostalgia, listen to 1920's radio. Some, most, of the songs are riddled with static, and burst from an ihome as if from an old tuner radio. It brings a warming feeling, eases the mind, makes you think simpler, happier.
A few hours of reading up on psychoanalysis works up an appetite. The menu called for some homemade mac'n'cheese, with cherry tomatoes, baby onions, and green pepper baked in olive oil, and veggie burgers made with salsa and cheddar. It's a wonderful feeling, to finally be able to use a kitchen. Last semester my living situation allowed for zero use of my apartment facilities, including living space, kitchen, and, at times, bathroom. But, that was the past, and God has graced me with glory and wonder in the form of a fourth floor flat, complete with slanted ceiling, and good, great, grand (in comparison) roommates that allow use of the entire apartment, as if, you know, we were all real adults or something.
And so, I have been basking in the ability to cook, and with that, to feel like a functioning human being. That isn't to say that those that don't cook are not real human beings, more to say that I, personally, have feelings of complete gratification with the notion that I truly can take care of myself, at least, when it comes to feeding time (also, now that I think of it, the food that I put into my mouth is bought by me, by the money from my paycheck...not my parents. Not my parents, but mine. My money. My mind is exploding right now.)
Food was paired with (500) Days of Summer. And more embroidery.
The night wore on, the snow had eventually ended, and I closed the night with Cheri, a film with Michelle Phiefer and Kathy Bates about French Prostitutes and their retired lives. The movie itself was silly, the acting outrageous (which I took to be intended), but the sets and the costumes! They were as if old Art Nouveau posters c
ame to life, tres chic with the lavish hair and natural colors, soft with winding iron pieces and lavish foliage. Quelle suprise!
It made me regard my own works, how, for this first semester and now I had focused so much on kitsch, on fabrics and patterns and textures and things, and how, there is so much more that I love and want to explore! That isn't to say that I will drop the kitsch, far from it (as goes my embroidered self portrait), but, I want more than just one thing. I want to take the time to explore, read up on, study other forms of art that are still foreign to my knowledge. I want to bathe in books, bask in their texts, and breathe some new life into my art forms before they get too boring.
And, there is still another day! Sunday was made for a late brunch, an early surprise, in the way of cancelled Monday classes (because Baltimore doesn't have snow plows and so all residential roads were still piled high with a few feet of snow), and a complete detour from work. Morgan again was over, and we filled our time with Savage Love podcasts, drawing homework, more embroidery, lots of tea, some dessert making (delicious no-bakes oatmeal chocolate peanut butter bars), copious amounts of junk food (three take out boxes from the Myerhoff brimming with sandwiches, pizza, brownies, cookies, and cereal), and movies! This time The Hangover, and, finally, I Love New York.
All in all, the weekend could not have been any better. I may not have accomplished all that needed to be accomplish in the manner of homework, but I was finally able to rest, and breathe (figuratively, considering that my nose is still so stuffed up), and think about nothing but enjoying the moment, the time with a true friend that really sums up the college experience. Without the constant emersion in family life, we create our own, spending hours, upon days, upon weekends with each other to create, in very little time, the bonds of friendship and family that we are so used to in the home environment. But, this is home now, and this is family now, and it's always nice to take a snow day, or weekend, to see the reality in it all, in this college experience.

04 February 2010

vices.

I've eaten two packs of Oreos in one week. Each and every Oreo has been paired with a dollop of peanut butter. This diet has come about in my attempt to stop smoking. So, basically, I've had two packs of Oreos and a half a container of peanut butter for every pack of cigarettes I would smoke.

Oh. Dear. Lord.

and now.

Let's compare...
... a ba-jillion hours later, and i've gone from two inches to nearly six. Only nearly. Oh. Deer. Lord.

03 February 2010

still here.


Oh, hello there February. It's nice to meet you and your snow filled skies.

It's hard to believe that I'm already back in the swing of things, and I'm only nearing week three in Charm City. I love it. I cannot imagine, as I've said time and again, myself in any other setting. Really. I am so happy.

This spring semester (although ill defined by the glorious amount of winter weather we are having) has been bundled tightly in the warmness of love. Picture being blanketed in the perfect amount of hand knit mittens, home-spun yarney goods, scarves, hats, and long johns, made with love and tagged by little hearts, and you have my semester. On a non-metaphorical note, it consists of Drawing II with the wonderful William Downs (personal favorite optimist and zen master), Elements of Visual Thinking II with Judy Stone (shiny and new from the previous Michael Weiss), Critical Inquiry with ridiculous Rich Barber (also known as brilliant), Introduction to Fibers with the oh-so-cool Chrissy Day (from Illadelphia, a total hard ass, and best person, ever), and Sculptural Forms with Katherine Kavanaugh (I love her class because she smells like my grandmother).

Basically, the above is the best line up ever. I find that I can complete my work, on time and on task, which is a new experience for me, in the consideration that I fail, miserably, at time managing. I'm getting better though! I'm really trying, because I cannot afford not to get said skill down. There's just too much to do and not enough time. Already I have three applications to get through, not to mention trying to figure out what I plan to do this summer before the month ends (including the dilemma of Turkey vs. Internship vs. Summer Classes). Also, you know, I have very time consuming homework (who knew everything in fibers took longer than four hours, at least?) And, also, I'm trying to get involved on campus, which is failing miserably at the moment.

But, all in all, things are looking up. This past week hasn't been oh-so-productive, but, I'm realizing the mistakes and fixing them (they include watching the entire season of Glee, copious amounts of Saturday snoozing slash, movie watching, and over eating). Though it was terrible, this past week is not over shadowed by the two weeks before it. They included: DAILIES! (yes, I stuck to the New Year's Dailies! I just need to post them (unfortunately, they are not joined with stories..they didn't go so well)), 9 PULL-UPS!, SANDWICH MAKING!, FIBERS!, SLEDDING, SNOWMAN MAKING, and SNOWBALL FIGHTS!, INTERNSHIP MEETINGS!

The list does go on, but it's now 9:32, and I have more Fibers to do, in the way of WEAVING ON THE LOOM I MADE! Yes, that's right, the loom I made. No big.


P.S. I'm realizing this is a rather shakey overview of so much infinite glory that I have failed to share. But, I do promise to reveal dailies!, and fibers wonders, and other, exciting, lifestyle choices (like cherry chip ice cream with root beer).