p.s.

Tuesday was also the due date for Competitive Scholarship at MICA. I was scrambling to properly photograph my most recent work. I'm pleased with my submission, although I'm surely not expecting any money. The school seems to reserve the dough for uber conceptual fine arts types. Whatever. Anyway, without further ado:



















The majority of this works comes from last semester, otherwise known as my first semester as a real, living breathing Illustration Major. The first piece is something of my baby, it being my first completed piece this semester titled Kitschy Kittens Knit Knottily (from the previously posted Book Illustration). I'm excited by the direction of my work and I hope that the judging panel is intrigued by the use of three dimensional and textured work within my portfolio. I'll be competing within just the Illustration department so, again that word, hopefully my lack of digital work will not discourage the judges from giving me some cash mon-ay! Keep your fingers crossed until March, please!

tuesday: writing for children's picture books

Again, I know, I know, behind on the times. It is Thursday, you are correct. But Tuesday was a rather lovely, albeit long, day that deserves some sharing.

Tuesday: Writing for Children's Picture Books
Why yes, this is a class. Taught by the Harvard graduate Amy Eisner, published poet and all around good person. She just exudes unlimited love for the picture book, even if she has yet to publish one (all in good time, of course).

Tuesday's class was around the topic of Kid Logic, you know, the perfectly reasonable conclusions children make that are just so perfectly wrong. To get the topic rolling we were asked to listen to an episode of This American Life, titled, sure enough, Kid Logic. I suggest you listen. It is both hilarious and heart-breaking and an all around awesome way to spend an hour. I listened to it twice. It delves into the precociousness of children's thoughts on the Tooth Fairy, with some truly hilarious insights such as:
Q: Well, why doesn't the Tooth Fairy make houses out of bricks
A: Because people don't have brick teeth!

Duh! There's also a wonderful fiction written and read by Michael Chabon, author of, among other things, The Mysteries of Pittsburgh (also a great read to pass time), as well as one child's thoughts and feelings on the Circle of Life as brought on by The Lion King and his father's battle with a degenerative brain disease. Take an hour and listen. It's linked above, and it is beyond worth the hour of ear devotion.

From Kid Logic we went straight into the overlying ins and outs of publishing a picture book, including thirty-two page requirements, the differences of voice as related to the main character (who should always be a child!), the overlying arch of story books versus concept books, and most importantly, the express need to write a story that demands enough attention to turn the page. This translates into, WRITE AN AWESOME STORY.

To have an awesome story you must first have an awesome opening. The first two sentences are what will grab both reader and listener. It is integral to remember not to add superfluous descriptions that could, and most likely will be, illustrated. This basically means that you shouldn't start a story with, 'This is Hannah. Hannah has red hair and lives in a red roofed house with a lawn full of red poppy flowers that she demanded she plant herself because her favorite color is red.' This all can easily be understood with the opening page's illustration and so should be cut for more important, hard hitting beginnings of the story. In order to completely understand the ins and outs of openings Eisner pulled openings from students stories that were posted the week before that had been based on the topic of Place Memory, asking us as adults to explore a place we distinctly remember from childhood. My story follows, titled They & Him:

Pages

1. In a little town,

2. in a little house,

3. in a little room,

4. slept a little boy,

5. with covers pulled tight around his head.

6. This little boy slept in the same manner every night,

7. with Cowboy and Indian covers over and up around his head,

8. and pillows stacked over his body,

9. and Curly pulled safe in his arms,

10. because if he did not

11. They would come for him.

12. They were the vampires

13. that lived in his closet

14. that his mother and father forgot to close each

15. and every night.

16. They, the vampires,

17. were gray skinned and purple lipped with sleek black hair

18. and they could smell living little boys that slept

19. right outside their closet door.

20. But no one ever knew They were there

21. because their long arms looked like sleeves that lived in the closet as well.

22. The only way to keep safe from their purple lips

23. was to make sure that They can’t hear breathing.

24. The little boy sleeping in his little room knew this,

25. and so every night he tucked himself up tight with

26. Cowboys and Indians and pillows and Curly all as defense

27. against They, the vampires, that lived in the closet.

28. And every night it worked,

29. because I, that is to say, him,

30. he is still here

31. with covers pulled tight around his head,

32. and Curly pulled safe in his arms, ready for bed.

I got some pretty awesome feedback for opening, which included the first eleven pages. Things like the structure of one sentence is awkward when read out loud, the amount of pronouns becomes super confusing, and most importantly, some of the information is unnecessary because it will be later understood and therefore does not need mentioning. Also, the class had some good input on better details to add that would allow the story to be more personal and less simple. Honestly, I didn't work very hard on this story because I wasn't quite sure how to go about writing a children book. It seems simple enough, short enough, but when you've always been surrounded by five to ten page requirements, a mere thirty-two sentences, or five hundred to a thousand words seems pretty daunting.

We have another book due next week on the Kid Logic topic. I've been concepting and writing for the past week and am very exciting about where it's heading. I just hope life doesn't get in the way of a good story.

Okay, now, this is the last I'll talk of Children's Picture Books. Today, for the class, I had to go to a local nursery and read to a group of eight students in the four to five age range. Let me tell you, I was so nervous I was sweating bullets. It's one thing to walk into a room of peers and worry about their judging eyes, but with kids it's a whole different matter. I just want them to like me! And normally they're scared because, well, if you were under three feet tall and a giant with facial hair and a nose piercing walked in you would be ready to quiver and shake, wouldn't you? To my group I read The Day I Swapped My Dad for Two Goldfish, written by Neil Gaiman and illustrated by Dave McKean.

I haven't had such fun in a long while. The students were so into the story. Albeit a bit snarky and with an irony and sarcasm better suited for an adult reader, they were still captivated by the consequences, the cause and effect, of the main character's swapping of his dad for two goldfish. After reading I asked the students to make Wanted! posters for a family member they might swap. I sat them down, handed them paper and gave each student a single crayon. Then, while drawing I kept asking the kids to swap colors with me. It was just great.

Later in the semester I'll return with a story of my own. The kids will be test subjects of sorts, and it will be through their reaction to my story as to whether it is a pass or fail. Pretty cool, huh? Mere children grading my college level efforts!

book illustration. again!

Okay, okay, okay, so I promised I would actively update this thing with the progress of classes for very reasonable reasons. But I haven't. And you want to know why. Because of life, that's why. And isn't that just great. Things like snow storms and Waco Wednesday and homemade pizza making and the State of the Union address and homework and dinners and lovely weekends with lovely people just making things o-so lovely. I'm in love with this semester.

But, as it is Monday, I have just left another Book Illustration class, and so, will inform you of the day's instruction, information ans such. First, drum roll please for the big unveiling of the first assignment:

(p.s. sorry about the terribly horrible photo. I'm at work.)

Titled Kitschy Kittens Knit Knottily, it explores three dimensional illustration (which I enjoyed so much I stayed up all night perfecting the piece, and by all night I mean I have zero minutes of sleep in my body currently).

Today was the first real round of critique for the semester, and let me just say I am super impressed with Jaime Zollars ability to not only flow through critique without making it a super annoying lecture or great speech, as well as her uncanny way of engaging everybody, even when the piece she is critiquing is not yours. Mad props. Today alone I feel like I learned so much, especially in the way of color. Zollars is all about the color really sending the narrative into stardom, making it highly accessible and yet exciting for a reader of any age. Her biggest critique for my piece was to plan the value scale before jumping into color choices. She said it was most problematic in the lower left side where the female cat character becomes lost with just a squint of the eye. It doesn't help that I tiled the background with two floral patterns, a hot pink solid and some bright yellow and pink strips, and so she also said I should try to digitally desaturate the background so the primary characters have a better chance to pop. This was clumped into a talk about the 'hierarchy of information' and that as an illustrator it is my job to feed to the public what is most important by the way I assemble the image, be it through color, composition, and clarity of design.

I was most excited by the fact that Zollars was excited about my piece. She voiced that sculptural illustration is a nice niche to feature in your portfolio, but went on to comment on how the scale ratio I produced, alongside the tactility of the two dimensional figures alongside the three dimensional stuffs heighten the whimsy and awareness of the scene. All in all, a great, great critique that I know I can benefit from.

After critique we talked about the new assignment. Titled Character Quest, we've been asked to pick a character from public or historical domain, and then re-imagine that character in five different ways. Most stories, I mean, really, all stories are character driven so being able to concept a character from the inside out, all the nitty-gritty, is a super skill to have. Also, when it comes to the illustrator's portfolio editor's like to see an example of something they are familiar with; see the artist's brand on something classic and their ability to reinterpret the old into something profitable.

Since I've left class I haven't been able to decide what character I should chose. Any suggestions?

monday: book illustration.

Today was the first Monday class of the semester, and oh what a class it was. Titled Book Illustration, it is, as you can rightfully assume, a class on illustrating for books. It is taught by Jamie Zollars, who instead of totally gushing about, I will just direct you to her website so you can do your own amount of oggling, and with it, gooey gushy-ness.

Okay, maybe a little gushing. First, Jamie is baller. Super friendly, she's tall and skinny and easily relate-able (mainly because I too am tall and skinny and at most times friendly). Most importantly, she's been in and out and through the industry and knows what there is to know and was just spouting endless facts and snippets about, just, everything.

Like, did you know that under large house publishers are what is known as imprints, which is, essentially, a person designated and rightfully chosen to represent the large house publisher and so is deemed with an imprint that is further printed on every book that s/he publishes under the big umbrella of corporation. Most beautiful example of the imprint is Arthur A. Levine, who found, of all things, Harry Potter. He is a most trusted and noted publisher within the industry and, after the glory that is Harry Potter, well, you know, he's pretty much rolling in it. Just his name makes me drool.

But, the most-most important thing about Zollars is that she had direct correspondence with non-other then Rob Ryan. For him, I will gush: Rob Ryan is a British artist who utilizes the craft of cut paper to create sincere images of everyday life complete with picaresque settings illuminated by color and love. Out of the million and one cut paper illustrators, he has transcended the craft of perfectly cut renderings so typical of the style and instead thrust his own creative ingenuity, also known as illustrative style, into something that was content in shelved library books and frilly Valentine's Day cards. Zollars edited a book on paper craft and so made sure to feature Ryan, as she too seriously enjoys his work. My jaw hit the floor when she said, 'Yeah, I've corresponded with him a few times through a project...'

Zollars also introduced us to her illustrator friend Dan Santat by showing us an interview of his up on the youtubular. Funny thing about the interview, he wrote it himself. He went ahead and said, yes, I want my name out there and so I am going to force some big name person (Elizabeth Bird, big name children's librarian at the Children's Center at 42nd Street of the New York Public Library system, and is super influential in the world of children and books and reading things, as well as is super silly) to interview me. So, over video chat Bird interviewed Santat questions that he told her to ask him. The interview is at points superfluous, but also is a great insight to the life of an illustrator who just made it for himself. Seriously, he just went ahead and did it, and did it big. He's a huge look into the change in the market, as he took it upon himself to promote the books he illustrated as the publishing companies that hired him did not budget to do so themselves. He began book trailers (which are now a super big deal, what is them kindles and things), as well as hosting charity events under the name of the books he illustrated. It was all on him, not the publisher, not the author, not the anybody but him. Super cool dude. Below is part one of the interview:



What's so great about the interview is that it shows Santat's obvious and genuine interests/obsessions and how those things that he so enjoys play a huge factor in his art making. This was the big idea of today's class, utilizing what you love, what you're obsessed with, that one thing that you just know and will always love, and how as artists, we come to separate the two. But why? Why do we decide to seperate our two loves? Why not make a big puddle of love, a cuddle puddle, if you will, that just conceives beauty and greatness. I know that this is a huge factor in my art, that there is a divide between what I love and the work I make. Why can't work be what I love?

We had to go around the room and say what we are obsessed with. I said thrifting. The first thing out of Zollars's mouth was, 'Right off. Right there, that's a tax right off.'

So good.

Finally, we culminated class with the beginning of an assignment. Titled 'Amazing Artists Allegorizing Alliterations', we were to write a four word alliteration that then must be created into an attention-grabbing illustration, something playful, something surprising, and something super fun. Some of my alliterations were:
Average Accountants Appropriate Apples
Bald Base-players Bake Bountifully
Cartwheeling Campers Cook Carrots
Dainty Deer Dance Dramatically
Dirigibles Dart Dangerously Downward
Horny Hipsters Hurry Home
Penelope Pushes People's Products
Trained Tarantulas Trek Tracklessly

But, for the assignment, I chose:
Kitschy Kittens Knit Knottily

Yes, that's right. Who doesn't love some knotty knitting by kittens that will likely be wearing cat eye glasses, lots of feathers and flannel, and be surrounded by wall paper and seat cushions and the like?

Got any other alliterations you want to see me illustrate? Post them and I'll see what I can do!

page turn.

I've only been in Baltimore for two weeks and it feels like it has been a freakin' month. Seriously, a million and one things have ebbed and flowed and smashed like a tsunami into my life. And they are all a foamy blur. Off in the distance, rushing out to sea, that's the life I had two weeks ago. And, you know what, I'm totally okay with that.

In two weeks there has been a million and one good things! Classes started and I am more then super pumped for the semester. This round it's all about the books! And when I say all about the books, I mean four of my five classes are either about reading, writing, illustrating, or constructing books. The last class is the required Illustration II, which I'm sure is bound to include book-y things. So there, all about them book things. It goes something like this:
Monday - Book Illustration
Tuesday - Writing for Children's Picture Books (and my professor graduated from Harvard, jus' sayin')
Wednesday - Historic Paper Making and Book Structure
Thursday - Illustration II
Friday - What Men Live By: Russian Literature of the 19th and 20th century

I don't think I have ever read as much as I have read this weekend. Eighteen children books (one of which was 545 pages, titled The Invention of Hugo Cabret, and it seriously made me drool with how beautiful the design format was, oh. dear. lord.), twenty five pages of the Archeology of Medieval Bookbinding by J. A. Szirmai (albeit interesting, a boring read as compared to children books, I mean, common), Leo Tolstoy's What Men Live By and Part II of Nicholas Roerich's Altai-Himalaya: A Travel Diary. Up to my eyeballs in reading. But, honestly, I adore it. I spent five of my Saturday's hours in a local place called City Cafe, which is a dandy place to get work done. I've come to realize that I cannot be in my own apartment and get work done. It's too comfy, too cozy and too nap inducing. Besides, I have Baltimore at my disposal, why not see it and get stuffs done all at once! The only downfall is that to work in a coffeehouse means to spend the $2.65 on a mug of coffee. It may be bottomless, but, really, funds are low.

And by low, I mean there's about $50 in my bank account and maybe $8 in my wallet. Seriously, playa has lost as sore as Baltimore's downtown, what with the Raven's stupendously atrocious loss to the Steelers on the 16th (the city lost $25,000,000 in revenue, as the final game would have been played at the M&T Bank Center, bringing flocks of fans into restaurants and gas stations and beer distributors and the like).

Since I've been here in Baltimore I've been on the search for jobs. But I'm picky after having so many (which is stupid, considering how broke I am) mindless jobs, so I've been handing out my resume (which is beautiful and baller all in one) to my favorite restaurants in the hopes that I can charm them with my charisma and serving abilities. But, to no avail. I'm still supa broke and work study's pay doesn't arrive until next Friday. And I have to buy cat food.

This whole growing up thing, yeah, it's here and stuff.

And I feel like that is not what this blog should be for. Why mindlessly type about things that are not so important, things that my friends really already kinda know because I talk about it with them all the time. Why not offer something to the bloggersphere that I don't offer anywhere else?

I've decided to utilize this blog as a day's recap of my classes. My hope is that to come home after a hard day's class I can sit back and summarize it, unlocking all that I may have missed while in class. I feel like this is the best way to get my money's worth because it will force me to really think about what it is I am doing, from point a (being the beginning of the semester) to point b (being the end). Then, I can look back and say, 'Oh, yeah, I did learn that,' or 'Oh, wow, that was such bullshit!'

Also, I think it will be neat for my friends not at MICA to get a peak into what art school is like. And I know, I know, that makes me sound super pretentious and stuff. But, really, it's different. And I want to break down the pretentious wall. Because art school may be pretentious, but I am not, and so I can talk about it (hopefully) in a way that will make it seem conducive to real things and not just, 'Oh, you go to art school, what are you going to do with that? Paint pretty things?'

So, there. That's it. Get excited and stuff for tomorrow's summation of Book Illustration. It should be pretty wonderful.

interested?.

Sometimes I think I'm more interested in people then they are in me It's fine. It's whatever. But, after awhile, I would like people to recognize the fact that I am taking the time to be interested, what with the million questions that I always ask, always nitty-gritty questions that sometimes, I suppose, shouldn't be asked, but I ask them anyway. When I ask these questions I don't expect them in return, but I do tend to expect a level of interest in return.

Does this make sense? Or am I just full of myself. I think I'm interesting. Why wouldn't someone one to get to know me? Or, why do people think they know me, when I know that they sure as hell don't.

One of my New Year's resolutions was to stop caring so much. I care a lot. It makes me stress a lot. It puts me into a rut and doesn't allow me to do much because I cannot stop thinking, analyzing, and over analyzing the situation. There's just something in my head that will not stop, a tick-tock-tiking that is just so damn annoying. I want to be able to sit back, to relax, to not have my shoulders so tense and up around my shoulders, to not feel a tiny bead of sweat drip down the back of my arm, to stop biting my damn lips.

Most of all, I want someone to be interested enough to recognize it, and, you know, maybe ask me about it. Just maybe.



P.S. I think relationships are yucky and a hassle and real stupid. So there.

a year in review. kinda.

It isn't that I haven't thought about writing. I have. I have thought about it a lot. I mean, I'm always on my computer, everyday for a likely average of two hours. In that time I proceed through the usual email then facebook then other email then last email then blogspot. Yes, yes, I always am checking blogspot. So, then, why am I never writing in blogspot?

It isn't that I haven't had anything to say. I do. I have a million and one little things to say about my day. And honestly, I really wish I had written in this blog, recorded the previous semester, and really got down and into it. But, I didn't.

And let me tell you, this last semester has been the semester.

No, seriously, the semester. And that's because everything is different.

The only way to get into this is by making a list. You know, it will chronologicate everything and help to organize what is sure to be a confusing year in review. But here we go.

But first, let me make do with saying that this summary will be nothing in comparison to what transpired in the last six months. I don't think I have ever laughed or cried or done all those other silly, human things so much in one bought of six months.

So, without further ado, here we go:
1. I moved into a two bedroom apartment off campus with a kid that I really knew nothing about besides the fact that he was/is the most genuinely nice human being that I have ever met. His name is Tom. He is from Pittsburgh. He is majoring in sculpture and on the MAT route to being a teacher. Honestly, and don't tell him that I told you, but he is the best person in the entire world. Hands down. Zero competition...okay, okay, maybe not the entire world, but, he is pretty great. And the best room mate, ever. We were both in the same sculptural forms class last semester (don't get me started on how I loathed that class), and, I don't know, I just went up to him and was like, 'Hey, you seem pretty cool. Are you looking for a room mate for next year.'

Yes, that's how it happened, give or take some dialogue. And let me tell you, this generally creeped out the friend base I had freshman year. They were all like, 'Hmmm...' and 'Uhmmmm...?' and 'Is that really a good idea?'

And my reply was, 'Well, you didn't offer to live with me, so 'eff it!'

That ramble was a bit of a detour. Back to the main point, I live in a two bedroom apartment in a rather old building called the Avalon. Fancy? Majestic? The pride of Baltimore City? Why yes, it is all those things, but that is mainly because I live there and not because the building is most likely not up to health and safety regulations. But whatever. I am more than in love with the place and how my apartment looks and that I have roof top access.

What's crazy is that I'm nineteen years of age and am living in my own apartment, paying utilities and buying groceries. Isn't that just, I don't know, wild? I mean, no, it isn't, because, you know, it is the 21st century, but when I first mentioned the idea of living off campus to my parents I seriously thought they were going to shit themselves. My mother went on this whole rant of, '...why would you ever need to live off campus...I lived on campus all four years...why would you ever need your own place...would it really be safe...there's no way it would be cheaper then living on campus...'

Eventually she realized that yes, the smart thing to do would be to get an apartment now and not have to struggle through the ordeal later as I would definitely be in Baltimore for the next three years of my life. And, really, it wasn't an ordeal at all because the first apartment I looked at is the one I'm living in now.

2. I adopted a kitten. My friend's cat, lovingly named New Kitty, was rapped by a stray back at her home in the suburbs of Maryland. By the time she moved back to Baltimore New Kitty was ready to explode with a litter of five glorious little puddles of kitten joy. She posted on facebook that she needed to get rid of them, I had a mice problem in the apartment (to which my landlord said, 'Just get a cat. Everybody in the building last year had a cat and there was never a mice problem then.'), and so I called her and said, 'YES YES YES YES YES LET ME COME AND SEE KITTENS!'

I first met Igor when he was three weeks old. He honestly looked like an alien. His eyes were big, blue and buggy, he had the largest forehead in all the land, he had a cleft nose and he couldn't walk correctly because he only had a little poof of a tail instead of a cat's tail (picture a bunny's tail).

He honestly looked like he had kitty down syndrome.

And that's why I adopted him. I told my friend that yes, he was the one I want and no I don't care that he's sick and no I don't want you to have to bring him to a shelter and yes I'll take care of him until he dies (which I thought would not take long because of the whole down syndrome thing).

Low and behold, Igor does not have down syndrome. Instead he is a rather charming cat that is both parts lion and rabbit. And I love him. Seriously, that cat is the love of my life. I am doomed to be a crazy cat person, which is fine, I guess.

Igor is now a bit over four months. He still doesn't have front teeth. He is still teething. He still has his claws. But, he is also a super chill cat that only acts up when he wants attention, which, right now, is all the time. But that's because he is only four months old. Duh.

3. I started my major. No matter how much you don't want to believe it as a freshman, sophomore year is extremely different then freshman year. Not only is it harder, it is more grounding in the way that is smacks you up side the head and screams, 'THIS IS YOUR MOTHA 'EFFING LIFE! DON'T 'EFF IT UP YOU WASTE OF SPACE, YOU!'

Yep, exactly like that. Totally different then the cushy hug that is freshman foundation year here at MICA.

So, last semester included:
Monday: Modernism and After - an art history class required for all students that begins with the study of Post-Impressionism and ends with Pop Art
& Intro to Creative Writing - exactly what it sounds with focus on poetry, memoir and fiction
Tuesday: Visual Journalism - a six hour class in which the class would travel to various parts of Baltimore and maintain sketchbooks that documented their travels, or whatever the professor wanted us to accomplish
Wednesday: Illustration I - the beginning of my major and so the basics of illustration, the class was conducted as, 'Here's a project, you have this much time to do it'
Thursday: Explored Stitch - a fibers studio elective that delved into the historical, cultural and technical aspects of every type of embroidery imaginable
Friday: Sacred Ritual Russia - an intellectual history that explored the context and nature of Russian folk and wonder tales

On top of this 18 credit semester was my continuation of my work study at the Media Resource Collection (the film and slides portion of MICA's Decker Library) as well as an internship with Anthropologie.

I want to repeat that I completed an internship with ANTRHO-FREAKIN'-POLOGIE!

If you don't know, but I bet you do, Anthropologie is one of the five stores under URBN Inc. Profiled as a retail store, '...catering to the fashionable, educated and creative woman of 30 to 45, we provide a unique product assortment that includes casual apparel and accessories, home furnishings and a diverse array of gifts and decorative items. Carefully designed and selected with an eye for craftsmanship and detail, our merchandise is offered in an inimitable environment, both online and in our stores.' taken from URBN Inc.

No, my internship was not a retail thing. Uh-Duh. The best thing about Anthropologie stores is their way of immersing their customer into a setting revolving around that season's collection. This is accomplished by creating, essentially, art installations throughout the store. My internship began in September and went on through December, so the priority from my start date on was Holiday. I was making Christmas crafts and decorations beginning in the end of September for a Thanksgiving due date.

I promise to get more in depth with this topic, as it not only is exciting, but also deserving of a review. It'd be good to go ahead and summarize my work and what I learned, and, you know, be an adult about the whole thing.

4. I made some new friends!

Yes, this is a category, and yes it is a big deal, because, yes, it was a goal for the semester. I learned that the million and one friends I took away with me freshman year were, you know, not actually friends, but some acquaintances that were all part of the circumstance of living in freshman dorms. And, friendship is a funny thing, especially at this age. Everything is growing and changing and overly emotional and I think that any nineteen year old is lucky to be able to maintain one strong friendship as well as them self, let alone a nice group of friends. But that's what I have, a nice, lovely group of friends that I can hug and gush to and about and you know, love and stuff.

With making new friends I have also realized that I don't like wasting my time around people that I know I will not be, well, not friends with, but that I know will not be of value in my life in any way possible. And yes, I realize that sounds like I like people to use them, but that's not what I mean to get at at all. It's just that life is so full with obligations to work and school and money making and adult becoming endeavors that I have a hard time justifying wasting time on people that don't deserve it.

Basically, what I mean to say is that I got really frustrated with the whole college partying thing this semester and more or less say it as a total waste of time. I thought that this year would be different, that by going out on weekends would allow me to meet cool and interesting and provoking people, but really it just gave me a headache the next day, which is neither cool or interesting or provoking. Through this I learned that I cannot depend on another person's indecision to create positive entertainment for myself. Which really means that everyone is really indecisive about how they want to spend their weekends and so waits until 11:30 on Friday and Saturday nights to see what everyone else is doing instead of just doing what they want. Point in case is myself. Instead of being a planner I was a follower for the most of the semester and just waited for someone to direct me to an event. This ended up being worthless.

I have made the resolution to spend my weekends wisely. I mean, I'm in Baltimore! Why the hell not!? I want to go to events and meet real people and laugh about things that I'm only pretending to understand and look at post-post modern art for the sole fact of cringing and listen to bad 'underground' music and see uber pretentious films. And I want to do these things because I want to know and be involved. Because that is how I have a good time.

5. I came home with $35 in my bank account.

Why am I ending on this note? Because it is a very defining thing for this year to come. After my own apartment, with utilities and a grocery bill and no time to make money because of 18 credits and an internship, I have come to realize that money is not only vital and necessary, but I like having it because I like being able to do things. The need to make money not only is defining that, 'Yes, Matthew, you do need a job!', but also has given me a super heightened awareness to the fact that I graduate in two and a half years time and must, you know, start being a real human being and stuff now if I want to survive later.

It's survival of the fittest, a dog eat dog world, a MY NAME IS MATTHEW BARRY AND I AM MORE THEN DETERMINED TO BE THE BEST POSSIBLE AT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE AND REALIZE THAT IF THAT IS TO HAPPEN I MUST BE THE PROACTIVE PERSON NOW AND NOT LATER WHEN MOMMY AND DADDY AND MY DEGREE TELL ME TO BE. Yep, that's what it is.

I am so determined to make this semester baller, it's ridiculous.


And so, that is my year in a list of five easy, uhm, essays I guess.

Oh hell, what am I saying; that damn list is nothing compared to what I went through these past six months. It's more of a general outline. And I understand that it's missing all the good stuff, like the laughs and the emotions and the sex (because it's the 21st century and any good form of media requires some bit of sexy time). But, you, dear blog, have a whole new year to look forward to. And I promise it will be much messier than the chronologicated bullshit that was this year in review.

In other words, I think I want this blog to be more human, a daily vomit of emotion that may or may not help some other, fellow student out there. And that's the goal, to post something daily of what I learned or how I feel or something I made or did. And maybe it will help. Someone, somehow, somewhere. Even if that person is just me.